Dicipline

My fiance next to me definitely shows that my dicipline isn't as sharp as I thought. He has been getting up every morning at 6am to go workout, it's just crazy to me how he does that. He works really hard or really likes working out. When I'm sore and I feel like I deserve a break but he doesn't do that till the weekend and still then he still works out. Yesterday morning I said I'm going to the gym with you so I went and was board but I did work out a little bit, I tried to keep pushing. I think I need to take some vitamines so I have more energy and get more acomplished. I also need to set different goals like getting involved in the new community I live and somehow learn about the military community I will soon be forever connected to. I talk a big talk about how I feel it's probably about time that I put it to use and do something with this voice. Will get back to you when I figure those things out and see what happens. Till next time.

Play Time

I wonder at what age did I feel fear for the first time. It was probably fearing my parents were going to beat me if I didn't do what I was told. Then when I got older I was afraid of what people at school thought about me. If they were mean then I was afraid of not fitting in. I remember going to school in the first grade on Halloween in a witch costume my mother had made me and the kids made fun of me because I was the only one not in kindergarden wearing my costume. My teacher waited for my mother to come get me to change clothes and the whole time my friends were making fun of me. How come I didn't know, how come my mother didn't know. That was probably the begining of my weird comprehension of details. At home I was at an early age considered Kelly Bundy because I acted like what my mother called a Blonde. I'm not sure what that makes me feel fear but I remember it. It's a wonderful thing to not be afraid, I think the time I felt the strongest was when I was playing, it could of been in the park feeding the ducks, riding my bike on the bike trail in Walnut Creek or playing sports and dancing. That's where I put all my energy. At least I had those playing times, at least my parents allowed me to have an outlet and play somewhere even if it wasn't at home.

City Girl in a Small Town

Today is day 11 since the move from Los Angeles, technically it's 6 since I was gone for 4 of the days working in Vegas. The mornings are beautiful seeing the sun rise and the evening are beautiful seeing the sun set. It's more freezing than I'm used to here in Tucson Arizona but it's a whole lot warmer than the East coast where me and Chris plan on moving by Spring. Yesterday as I was in Target thinking I will be able to say I have lived in a small town once in my life in Tucson AZ. I only plan on being here for another two more months, I couldn't imagine being here for too long. I appreciate the easy going of this place but right now not sure if I could be here forever. I feel like my mother in this extremely white town, even though I can pass for a hispanic and my mother is much darker black woman and at the time in the 1980's in Walnut Creek, Ca wore her hair in braids with beads on them, looking like an African Princess to the white people in Walnut Creek. Just the thought of being the chic artsy wife in a small town makes me cringe. I don't want to be that, I still want to act and I still want to write. I never want to work for someone else for very long and I want to be creative all the time. I like having free time and I like come and go.
How interesting would it be to see a story about a girl from a big city and decides to move to a small town for love? I think it's time for a new romantic novel or movie with a black leading lady that isn't in the typical settings. Why not me and why not my story. It's about time I get to work and write it out. On that note it's time for some character developement. Ta Ta!

A New Leaf

I was so excited and counting down to the days and hours to see my boyfriend Oct. 27th. So many factors could of delayed it. I had a call back for a Non-Union commercial that would air in France only,(so I can do that) but the day of the call-back I needed to be at work in Long Beach for the Womans Conference during the same time. The earliest casting and clients were seeing people were 11:15am and I had to be in Long Beach by 12:30pm. Let's say it never happened. THe audition anyway, I tried, I got there by 11am and gave my self to be seen by 11:30am or I was out. The clients weren't even there yet, keeping up the line of people waiting to be seen and I really had to go. I had to work, I got bills to pay, very sad but that's life. Also even if I did get the commercial it was shooting on Thursday and Friday Night when I was supposed to be in Arizona by then with my boyfriend at the ATC, very big deal for him and I had been looking forward to it since I meet him I guess, that's when he mentioned he wanted me to go with him. So it was Monday and I was flying out Wednesday, I couldn't do it to him.

My friend from High School just so happens to live across the street from me, had his little baby girl in the front seat of his Toyota truck and I was in the middle with my lugguage in the back on my way to see Chris. I almost didn't have a ride but he at the last moment texted me saying he could take me to the airport. Thank you JEsus! Right when I was ordering a shuttle to pick me up. Credit Card had went through and everything. The lady was so sweet she got the dispatcher to cancel it for me.
Now at the airport, I see a old dancer friend, a salsa instructor. I'm sashaing in with my purse and starbucks coffee canister. I forgot that I was going to the airport. Makeup bag in purse ready to apply when I landed. Salsa guy and I catch eyes, very randon but not really it's LA or Burbank. He says he going to Vegas for a friends bacholar party and I say I'm seeing my boyfriend, and that I will be moving in the NEw Year. I'm sure he was thinking okay randon but whatever.

Just landed and I text Chris just that, going to lugguage. He says he's almost there, I'm not tripping cause I gotta go to lugguage and go to the bathroom to get ready. I got my lugguage and text him I'm out side terminal 1 Southwest. He's like where I'm like I'm right here. I want to dig in my bag to get some lotion but I don't want to open it up on the side on the street so I just stand there going through my phone. I see Chris walking up in his uniform all hard on a mission and I'm happy to see him. He hugs me and kisses me really long. It was weird to me cause I know we usually do that when I'm leaving not coming. Then he takes my hand and I say, I need lotion with a hesitant face. He laughs and pulls out a ring and puts it on my finger. I couldn't believe it after all we had been talking about I just felt in shock, numb, so distached. I eventually said YES!!! after he was like, "Okay!?" I said, "Well you didn't ask" Then he asks, "Will You Marry Me" Oh my goodness. YES again for reading pleasure. So the walk back to the car was so awkward, it wasn't all spectacluar, no music playing in background. We went to get gas and I was hungry, but I love him. He's so sweet, so wonderful to me and perfect for me. I can go on and on and on with details but Let's just say I'm engaged now.

Blah Blah Blah Blah

My head is feeling cloudy because I didn't make my coffee today. I thought I'd take a break from it and push through the day without it. I'm not tired just not influenced. Other than that I feel good, my abs are tight and I'm not cold nor hot nor hungry. I feel like a little baby all my needs are meet besides my bills. Yuck. I'm on a public computer in a Tucson AZ library and it's telling me I had 5 minutes left and it gave me the option to have 10 extra minutes so that gives me 15 total minutes; that would never happen in an Los Angeles public library. People would be waiting, breathing down my neck if I had 5 minutes left on a computer. Can't believe I'm wasting my minutes saying all this.

So story structure is what I'm having problems with in writing and I have gone to the source of the internet for help. I think I got the idea while I figured it out. I need to watch a show which was Burn Notice of my choice and write down what happens in each scene. I got distracted yesterday though by the damn internet. So won't do that again today. Writing this is my booster to get cracken. I need to have A, B and maybe even C plots. My characters need to live freely and all be individuals not sound the same. I need to stay up at night when my boyfriend goes to sleep and do the damn thing to. Back to structure, I need to... 10 minutes now.... leave each scene with cliff hangers that lead or drive into the next scene. I just remembered, I can fully write out plot A, scene for scene then fill in the scenes with plot B. Hallelujah!!! I've made a break through that won't make me stagnent. It's almost time for lunch and I need a #2 pencil to write with.

ARIZONA

I am on day 10 now in Arizona and everything seems to be geling into place. I'm spending time with my boyfriend that lives here for a month. I planned this out for 2 months now to see how everything works out and so far so good. I'm not all anxious and thinking about LA and what I'm missing although I'm watching all the commercials I've auditioned for, got called back but didn't get it but it's okay. I'm due for some major commercials to come this fall. I will be in full swing and ready to work. Since I've been here I've been NOT WORKING, watching tv, eating, doing yoga and working out at the gym. It's been nice to be home and be with my boyfriend. I haven't driven my own car for 10 days so weird or really driving at all, his car a little yes but not much driving for me.

Before I left I went to a workshop at AFI for commercials and it wasn't bad. I was nice to get a refresher and feel creative even though I've been auditioning a lot but I just haven't been in class at all and I really want to be but just can't juggle all the expenses of LA. In the begining of the workshop a girl stood up and said she had to leave because she had a call back. The guy teaching the class asked what the audition was for and she said California Travel and I was like where's my call back. SO I kept looking at my phone for a missed call or text and finally I got the text from my manager that I had a call back too. I was so excited to get the call back I just knew it was mine. The audition was just the day before and the camera opt said I played the line the best out of everyone so I was definitely confident but humble and willing to stay on my A Game.
So I get to the audition and I sign in and I'm feeling good not cocky but good. Talkong to other girls, making small talk about who they train with, but I was geniunely interested and I was waiting for a good hour before they got to me. Throughout the whole thing I stayed cool and understanding but I was seeing other girls go in before me that came after me and it worst part was being grouped with a girl that I didn't talk to at all which isn't bad but not really good cause I was worried we would't have any chemistry of a friendship if needed. So I made small talk and we got to know each other and she was beautiful.
We go in the room and the director asked if we waited a long time... I'm thinking yea and I said yea... why did I say the truth... then I said but I understand their are a lot of characters you need to cast. Then the camera opt guy said he's a director that cares, I looked at him for a minute and looked at his spiffy jacket and cool hair cut and I said "Your hair shows" why did I say that.... I went a little to far maybe I don't know. The casting director looked at the director and the add guy smiled and the camera opt guy laughed then the director said, "That was a compliment with a diss" I was like that wasn't a diss not at all.
I did the audition and the director wanted me to do a few different takes and I did and it was a good audition. Then the other girl did the audition and she took my directions and did it I guess well. I don't know who booked it. I didn't but I have a feeling she got it. She was mixed too but she had sandy color hair and had blue eyes and was long and skinny. So for some reason she was just prettier and it's so annoying. I just wonder who got it and we shall see.

Dance

This past Saturday I took a dance class with Margurite Derricks. It was a big challenge since I hadn't been in a class in a while but I got in the grove of it. She says dance is back, she means technique. She had us attempt triple turns, is she for real. I was in class with a bunch of teenagers, I felt so old. Looking at them I can now look back at that age not knowing what my future will be as a dancer. Its crazy being old enough to do that. I at one point wanted to cry that I was even having that thought, that I can look back and see things I couldn't before. I was hanging in there and needed to be there that day. Afterwards I was spent, my body had been beat up bad. Way over exerted myself. It was good, need to take a turns class now more often and plan on it. I will master these turns and get in control of my body. THese are thoughts to myself if you don't understand dance lingo. Just know we move about but we know where we are moving our bodies, it's all planned out and has been done many times before so therefore we are control freaks, it must be perfect as well as everything else in our lives. So yes I am a type A person.

Today I had a private session with a girl I meet on set of a commercial, she is a massage therapist and she said she would offer me massages if I could teach her how to dance. So today was our first session and she did so well. I'm so happy I could help her. She has a great body to use and it probablly only makes it easier. More to come with this, I am very hopeful that these knots in my blades will go away.